Screw introductions and lead ups and all that non sense. I’m literally diving right into this. Last night I saw the new TMNT flick, and HO….LEE…..SSSSHHHEEEEYYYYAAAATTTTTUHHHH. This IS the ultimate movie. Yea yea yea, I know 1990, just watch that, skip the others, blah blah blah. If you loved the cartoons, this is the movie for you. If you’re a fan of the comics, then see the 1990 one. My review is going to be BOMBARDED with spoilers. I plan on touching on easter eggs, changes, likes, dislikes, basically everything. I am so riled up still after seeing this movie, that I am going to try my very best to keep this as composed and organized as possible. I don’t plan on going chronologically through the whole movie. I plan on hopping around while staying on point with everything.


So lets get the elephant out of the room. The first (reboot) movie. Ignore it. Forget that it even exists. I defended the movie for the longest time, “At least they got the turtles right”. I seriously want to just throw the first movie in the trash and get rid of anything that I have (minus the 3d glasses and foam hand) pertaining to the movie. You really have to go in with that mind set, but also, remember that there was a first movie when it comes to the following.

Why you should forget… (gripe 1)

BAXTER doesn’t recognize April? UHHH WHAT? She went to work with her dad, Baxter worked with her dad, and is on her fucking video tapes in the first movie. She’s a reporter…on tv…. Baxter calling out “obvious police formations” when they were relocating Shredder. But yet, he didn’t recognize April?

Why you should REMEMBER that there’s a first movie.

Baxter just so happens to have equipment to synthesize the ooze? Well, he did have THE SAME EXACT set up in the first movie. It’s practically the same.

Other than that, FORGET IT. What first movie? When did that come out?

I just re-read my last blog for the first movie. So I think I will take the same format.


Honestly not that much. This is really GRASPING for things here.

I wasn’t a fan of Casey. He’s too nice, too likable, in all the wrong ways. To me, Casey isn’t supposed to be this by the book good guy. He’s supposed to be an asshole, a bad boy. His backstory and his dream of being a detective, was boring. We need more balls on this guy. I mean, even the turtles haze the fuck out of him. How easily he kicked the shit out of The Foot Clan, with a hockey PUCK, not stick, PUCK. Go play hockey dude. Fuck being a cop. He should have went ape shit. I would have loved to have see The Foot taking him out, him getting pissed, and hulking out and going bat shit crazy with the hockey stick. When the turtles show up, they should be sort of scared of him, like, who are saving from who here?

The Foot Soldiers. These guys were bad asses and pussies at the same time. I loved how sleek they looked. How quick and agile they were. Downside, you can get taken out with a hockey puck, and chump VERN can jump down on you and quickly take you out. They were disposable in the cartoon, so I get it. 

Karai. Useless again in this movie. I feel like she was there for the sake of being there. She is completely fucking useless. She’s Shredder’s Daugher, which again, they look so close in age, which is sort of weird, like maybe an 8-10 year difference. Her being his daughter, should make her bad ass. But you know, NON ninjas took her out. She had 1 job, GUARD THE PORTAL.  YOU HAD ONE JOB KARAI, ONE JOB!

Shredder. God dammit Shredder. He did NOTHING in this movie. Absolutely nothing. Make sure you chain this fucker down when you transport him, because when the chains are off, he uh….Does a lot of um, growling. Don’t get me wrong, he looked AWESOME. I actually was a little EHHHH when I saw the pictures of him. Still, even now, I look at the trailers and photos and it’s still iffy. For some reason though, it doesn’t come off that way when you watch it. It looks INCREDIBLE. Although, my next gripe, is what I’d like to call. BATMAN syndrome. Puts on his helmet, no eye make up. On the Technodrome. MAKE UP. C’MON GUYS

Baxter calling Shredder, Sensei Shredder. Seemed weird.

Why couldn’t Krang get the pieces himself? He can control Shredder coming onto his ship and can watch him, track the pieces, but what’s keeping him from getting them himself? They should have put in some sort of explanation. It could have literally been 2 sentences.

Last gripe, is a weird thing to bitch about. This movie is FILLED with unrealistic scenarios.For some reason, the roller blade scene, bugged the shit out of me. When I see Casey discover the roller blades, I was like, OH HOW CONVENIENT, THEY’RE JUST HIS SIZE. They went a step (or twelve) above that unbelievability and made him, DUCT TAPE THE WHEEL PART TO HIS SHOES. Get the fuck out of here. I’d rather take the coincidence route than the, I’ll just fucking Macguyver these blades.

Now let’s get to the things that I loved.

I loved practically the whole thing. Seriously. My gripes, were me LOOKING for things to bitch about. 

I guess I’ll hit some bullet points.

- They NAILED the turtles. I thought they did a great job in the first movie. They went ABOVE and beyond in this movie. The nerdiness of Donnie, really made me smile (he’s my favorite turtle). The dynamic of these guys and the characters, were really spot on. I mean REALLY spot on.

- Hinting at the Donnie / April crush. He made her a watch. Although they are still running with the Mikey / April vibe. They started to hint the Donnie Dynamic (trademark Kyle Crawford / Electric Zombie, LLC)

- Donnie Cartoon head on the watch

- Baxter. Holy shit man. He was great. Everyone saying he was over the top. Have you fucking been to a comic convention? There’s always that kid who talks too much. Get’s way too excited. Does voices, I mean, PUNISHES you with their dorkness. Or at least how a lot of people I witness are. The way that Shredder looked at him. His laugh. SO GOOD. Feeling unappreciated. It was perfect. I really hope he pops back up in the next one. Also hoping he kept a little of that ooze for himself.

- Vanilla Ice nod.

- Loved the opening credits. Leading toooooo

- Kevin Eastman Cameo. TOO GOOD. 

- Friday the 13th tip of the hat!

- Triceraton Easter egg! This to me, was like The Collector easter eggs in The Marvel films, or even dare I say, A Cabin In The Woods? I really need to watch and look for more the second go around.

- The space metal is called UTRONIUM!

- Less Splinter. Less is more people, less is more. In the first movie, I couldn’t STAND him. He was great in this movie. He looked better. Less shiny and toy and rubbery like. Voice didn’t annoy me. Speaking of voices….

- NO JOHNNY KNOXVILLE! What the fuck were you thinking not having Pete Ploszek voice him in the first one. He was fantastic. 

- Bumblebee / Michael Bay Jab / NOD. So good

- Foot Soldier logos on the shipping crates

- I saw it in 3D, DBOX. This is the way to see it. UNBELIEVABLE. The 3D elements was there. Lots of spots stood out more than others. The best, was the tank scene. The cannon was in your face, as if you were on the Terminator ride at Universal. The projectiles and Shredder’s blades. Those were all standouts. If you don’t know what DBOX is, I highly suggest you look into it. If they have it near you, and you love the turtles. SEE IT THAT WAY. You won’t regret it.

- Krang. This isn’t that much of a “I love it” it’s more of a few changes I noticed. I’m not talking about the recasting either. I’m glad they went they old show spelling and not the new show spelling. On the toys for the film, it says KRAANG on there, even though it’s not how it’s spelled in the movie. I also noticed they changed his suit a little bit. It doesn’t have the skin head. In fact, there’s no top of the head at all. It sort of stops at the googles. I swear I saw a full head (it was black) when you first see him. I’ll have to check again. There’s also less skin on the bio suit.

- Possible toy gripe nod? I don’t know if you have the new Krang toy. A lot of complaints is how hard it is to get him in the stomach. In the product shot, he’s snug and perfectly fit in the belly. But when that sucker is out of the package, it’s nearly impossible to get him to look good in the stomach at all. You really have to jam him in. Not sure if the end of the first Krang appearance is a reference to that. But I got a laugh out of it, due to my frustrations with the toy.

- Speaking of toys and changes. I tried to sort of stay away from trailers and video clips for the most part. I don’t know if this leaked or got out, but the biggest OMG, scream out loud (I seriously did) was seeing the EYE OF THE TECHNODROME. I lost my fucking mind. I’m glad / pissed it’s not on the toy. It was the highlight of the movie for me. Seeing it, had me like

- Bebop and Rocksteady. HOLY FUCK. This is the movie. Actually, whomever wrote this movie, really knows how to nail the characters and develop them. Their dynamic was spot on. These guys are the idiots we know and love. No manners, ungodly stupid, and ridiculously funny. Hearing “BYE TURTLES” made me smile beyond belief. I am a sucker for transformation scenes, and this one is up there with the best werewolf on film transformations. Sheamus knocked it out of the park, Gary Anthony Williams, IS BEBOP. I cannot express enough how these guys completely nailed these two. I just want to buy every single bit of merchandise with them on it. No Joke. I could write a whole blog on my love for this duo in this movie. So I can’t think of a better place to stop.

The way the Krang fight scene, was something out of a Boss level of a video game. Beaten, but not defeated. The characters, again, are what make this movie. So much action. So much humor. So much throwbacks and just, wow. I don’t think I can drive this home enough. I am literally itching to go see it again. I may just find a reason / excuse to sneak out today and not get any work done to watch it. I would rate this a B+. Minimal complaints. Some of the CG was messy, but when it was good, man was it good. All and All. This is the definitive Turtle movie. So many notes, and tips of the hat with everything. I’m glad they took out that stupid Raph / Turtle wink, but most of all, I’m glad they got this right. I’ve got to stop talking about it, before I go into a hurry up and buy everything pertaining to this movie buyer’s remorse binge. 

Stay Tuned for my last blog of the week, where I talk about my favorite turtle finds from the new movie.

GO…SEE… IT… NOW! really, go now.